We recently recognized the 4 year anniversary of receiving our son's initial diagnosis. Time really flies and we are at such a different place now. We went from PDD-NOS and thoughts of "at least he will be high functioning right?" to a realization that he is in fact profoundly autistic and has challenges we never thought would be a part of his life. Denial is an amazing coping mechanism, one that I realize now I desperately needed to get through the initial stages of grieving and stress.
It seems odd to tell a story of grief and stress when now I am so blessed to have a wonderful son with so many amazing skills and strengths that outshine his disability as a whole. Sure he still has a tall mountain to climb, but we have already come so far, I am so proud to be Max's mom.
As for our daughter, we are around 2 years into diagnosis. I remember thinking while pregnant with her- whew, it is a girl, the odds of her also having autism are minimal and how could we actually end up with two kids on the spectrum, right? The odds were not in our favor, but it is what it is! We have already been through the stages of loss in a similar manner we did with Max, but have come to the same place. The future is full of uncertainty, but she is a beautiful girl who lights up our lives daily. I cannot wait to see where Avery and her grand sense of curiosity takes us all! She is an angel.
In the middle of all of this chaos is my sweet, precocious Zoe. Essentially she is the big sister to both and that brings on a childhood we never anticipated for her. We work very hard to find the balance between "normal" (god, I hate that word) and "keeping things autistic." She has had to grow up and sacrifice in ways most children don't, but she has the heart and compassion of a well seasoned adult. She is so tender and caring with her brother and sister and it makes my heart so full to think about her loving soul.
Then there is my husband, Mike... he has adapted and made things work and been at my side the entire time... thank you! Autism is hard for all parents, but mothers get most of the TLC when father's are equally deserving. He has shared in all of the joy and sorrow and this needs to be recognized.
As I read this back it sounds kind of sad, but please know that is not how I feel. Looking back on the "diagnosis years" are bittersweet, but I do believe God only gives you what you can handle. I am glad he has such high expectations of me.
Thank you and good night!
just beautiful....I'm a snotty mess!!
ReplyDeleteyou are an amzing woman and mother! Your children are so lucky to have you!
ReplyDeleteI just love this Chastity!!!
I echo Teri's words but have to add, your husband is LUCKY to have you as well - in fact you are a super mom - i've said that forever.
ReplyDeleteI've known you are an amazing woman since the day I met you, "the wet band-aid that holds this whole circus together" :)
before we married you worked with autistic children and always said, "I hope we never have to deal with those challenges"... well... here we are. God only gives us what we can handle - not to sound too corny but, I feel there is a reason you worked with those kids when you were in college - to prepare you for our live. I'm so proud of you.
you guys are so cute and, wow, how lucky you were to find each other! i agree that God will only give you as much as you can handle, and what a testament to you both that he has given you two children with autism, shows you just what he thinks of you and your strength and ability to love. i am amazed by you both daily, love you desperately and just can't tell you how much i miss you:)
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