Siblings and the Spectrum

I read an article this morning regarding the emotional impact having a sibling on the spectrum can create.  There was nothing really extraordinary about the article's contents or sources, it all seemed pretty basic and obvious. Nothing I have not read before.  There are a lot of resources available to aid parents in explaining autism to their neuro-typical children.  I question the validity of these resources as much as I do any parenting book and magazine. I am not sure these kind of "how-to" books really help at all. You cannot tell people how to parent by writing a book, only experience can dictate that path as far as I am concerned. In terms of autism, how can any read encapsulate all of the emotional maturity needed by a sibling of a child with any disability. I know parenting books are meant to be used as guides, but I have never been a  big fan.

I worry as much about Zoe's future as I do Max and Avery's. The fact that it is more likely my children with autism will outlive me is staggering at times. I worry about the quality of therapists and caregivers when I am right here at home, the thought of who will be their primary caregiver after I am gone takes my breath away EVERY time it crosses my mind.  Not only do I worry about who will properly care for Max and Avery, but the burden this puts on Zoe. She will have a healthy responsibility on her hands and I feel bad for putting that on her as the only sibling. There isn't even anyone to share in the duties. Of course I do not know what the future brings and where Max and Avery will work and grow up, but one things is for sure they will need to be looked over directly or indirectly and after I take my last breath I guess Zoe gets to take over. Scary and sad at times.

On the other hand, all of the stress and sacrifice that Zoe endures will also make her a more caring and compassionate individual. She has already had to deal with more in her 7 years than many children will ever have to handle.  She struggles with why her brother and sister have autism and how that changes her world, but overall her heart is big and her smile wide. She gets mad and angry at what she has to give up, but she will be the first to tell you why her brother cannot handle loud noise and bright lights or why her sister sometimes says the same thing over and over. You certainly cannot learn those life lessons in Parents magazine or any book that is for sure!